hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
