He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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