no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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