He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
there is glitter all over my balls
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
