i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
