I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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