I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
