Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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