you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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