I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
