I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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