Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
