Acid is not a monday night drug
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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