Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize