what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
