My first STD was from a foam party
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
