On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You can't motorboat a personality
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
