Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
