I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
