I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
