Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
