Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
