In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
