You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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