apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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