my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We need to get me chipped asap
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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