Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
