I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize