Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
