Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
