just tell him i said nine months
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize