some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
