I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
