ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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