WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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