i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
nutella sex= disaster
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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