burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
