Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
