I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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