I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
