Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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