oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
