I skipped work to stalk him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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