If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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