Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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