I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
