is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
