my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
