It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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