That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
