i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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