watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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