careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
