chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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