There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
