i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
