Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sober January is a disaster.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
