Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
