I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want nice things and good sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
